Tuesday, April 12, 2005

The Blues

Things are going well here. Miriam is adjusting to sharing her Mamacita and her Daddy with Noah. Of course some of that adjustment involves assaulting other kids with her teeth, but we're dealing with that. Noah is still sleeping a lot and nursing a lot and barely ever crying. How did I get so lucky??? The most he's cried was when he was assaulted by the above mentioned muncher.

Chris has the week off. I'm hoping he gets some down time. He's hoping so, too. However, he also wants to get some work done on our upstairs bathroom and he's ending up being a bit of a nursemaid to his wife.

Because I am not doing so fine. It's getting better every day, but the worry and fear threaten to take me over. I actually catch myself thinking "I better not say I'll do that b/c I might be dead by then." It sounds silly seeing it written down, but it doesn't feel silly.

I hate that I had to deliver my child surgically and that it was a bit complicated. I hate that I have to deal with normal surgery recovery on top of baby blues and hormone craziness.

It helps to see how precious my kids are.

On an entirely different note, the new Knitty is up and I'm enjoying looking over some of the patterns. This one actually even shows a plus size woman modeling a version of the sweater. Too bad I don't think it looks so good on her. Blasted size 1 model. I think this bag and this "wheelie" are great.

I've got a list of approx 5,000 knitting projects to do, so probably I won't do any of these anyway, but it's fun to look! :)


ang said...

hang in there, jeni. I went the way of the unintended and, frankly, unwanted c-section, too - after 20+ hours of all sorts of hard labor. In the days and weeks that followed, the surgery recuperation was another slow-down and frustration. It got hard to breathe and hang on to hope at times, but you're right - you've got two precious, beautiful, healthy babes. God is good and present, even when it seems otherwise. Check out "On Broken Legs" by Wendy Murray Zoba. Not so much a post-partum account, but her experiences in "the Dark Night" are worth reading, and may serve to encourage you.

Anonymous said...

Don't worry Jeni, I felt that way too a time or five...and I'm still hanging around! Seriously, fears come and go...but precious kids will be here forever.