Thursday, May 01, 2008

How?

I'm definitely feeling that "how can the world go on???" feeling that I was told about. I feel like leaving random posts on blogs I read saying "My baby died! I'm so glad you have those cute baby things you're making, but don't you realize that my world has changed forever???"

Of course, these random bloggers have no idea what their reader's are going through nor should they, really, that's not how this is all set up.

I ran into a friend of a friend the other day and she was so glad to see me and I didn't know how to have a light conversation--small talk. I wanted to say, "I'm sorry I don't seem happy to see you. My baby just died and I just don't have any happiness left right now." Perhaps I should have?

I know the world is not going to stop for me and my grief. I am so very grateful that I am not carrying it alone. I'm surrounded by people who are grieving with me, who miss Hazel, too, and who are gentle with us as we figure out our new normal.

This prayer is from the Church of Ireland's Book of Common Prayer and I find much comfort in it--A "full knowledge" of Hazel!--I thought I would share it here:

Almighty God, creator and keeper of life,
we acknowledge that our child Hazel is your child,
loved since before the foundation of the world.
Grant us such trust
in the finished work of your Son our Saviour
that we shall look with hope
towards a full knowledge of Hazel,
whose earthly life we have so little shared
but who is now complete with Christ in you.

2 comments:

Nathan, Amanda, Violet & Anara said...

I can imagine the "how can the world go on" feeling. I have never grieved such a loss but I have wondered this at what I perceived to be "difficult" times in my life. I think about you often and I talk about Hazel to many people. You and Chris are wonderful examples of the hope we have in Christ. Thank you for grieving and being honest about your emotions.

Kendra said...

I love you Jeni. I am sorry I have not been there for you as much as I should these last couple of weeks. You are amazing and strong and I hope I can someday be half as awesome as you are. I know that sounds so stupid, but I mean it.