Friday, May 23, 2008

I can't breathe

Hazel's death seems so hard right now. I want my baby. I want Hazel.

There is not one place I can go without being reminded of my little one.

There is not one person I can talk to without thinking of my little one.

There is no book to read.

There is no show to watch.

There is no song to hear.

Everything makes me think of Hazel.

It's all "before Hazel died" and "after Hazel died".

I feel as if I'm split in half.

This is going to be so very much harder than I try to convince myself it is.

Every day for the rest of my life I will the mother of a dead child.

I will miss Hazel every single day forever.

Every.

Day.

2 comments:

EverythingIveGot said...

I am so very sorry for your loss. As a fellow mother and as a kindred spirit as someone who has lost two babies she never knew, try to have faith that God's plan is a good one.
My lost babies were much earlier on than yours but there's no qualifying the loss of the promise. A pregnancy is a promise and you are grieving the loss of that promise, a promise of a baby.
I will pray in my corner of the universe for God's strength to carry you through. I miss what I never knew in those two babies that were lost 10 and 9 years ago but I also feel that I know why it happened. I pray that you find out too and gain some peace from it.
Much love to you and your children and husband during this difficult time.

julie strasser said...

JENI!

it's julie strasser...i hopped onto your blog from sharon's and i have to say that I AM SO SORRY. there really are no words or anything that can be said. except that it really sucks. bad. my heart hurts for you and i hope you have moments of peace amidst the grief you feel.