I think I can, I think I can, I think I can. . .

Tonight was better than this afternoon. This afternoon was better than last night. Hopefully it will continue to get better by degrees and I won’t go completely insane. Both the toddlers are going through an intense “mama” stage—to the point that “Daddy” won’t even do! It makes nap and bedtimes almost impossible, but Alex allowed Chris to put him to bed tonight and Miriam fell asleep really quickly. All three of our kids were asleep in bed (except Noah was downstairs on the floor!) by 9:30. Miracles do happen.

I got so frustrated with Alex today that I finally just put him in his room for nap and walked away. I was at an anger point I do not wish to get to again. However, I managed to talk nicely to him and get him calmed down a bit before I walked away. He was still fussing, but he fell asleep pretty quickly. It’s so hard to have a going-on-three-year-old who is basically non-verbal. And since he’s only been with us for 3 months, we haven’t learned all his ways of communicating. That’s getting better, too, though.

Sometimes I wish that my mom or someone lived with me and could be home with me every day helping out. Oh, how clean my house would be! How nice it would be for each toddler to have an adult to hold them! Well, I’ll make it work; I always do. Some day we’ll look back at these first days and think “Thank Goodness that’s over…thank God we got through it!”

Pressus Baby

Ever since Miriam was a baby, I have been singing a little song to the tune of “Are you Sleeping?” The simple lyrics, “I love Miriam…yes I do…She’s my precious baby…I love her,” were easy to sing while I rocked her and read something else. It’s amazing, though, how those little songs stick in a child’s mind.

She’s been going through an “I do it mySELF” stage, insisting that she’s a “big girl!”. However, last week, when she was overtired and sobbing one day, I said, “Miriam, you’re a big girl, can you calm down and tell me what’s wrong?” She, still sobbing, cried “I pressus baby!”

Today as I walked Alex and Miriam upstairs for a nap, Alex asked me to pick him up. I replied, “Alex, You’re a big boy—I want you to walk up the stairs.” Miriam, who was ahead of us, turned around and said, “*I* pressus baby!”

She most definitely is!

New Pictures Galore

Here's precious Moses Kye:


Four Generations of Smith Men:


Alex Having the Time of His Life:


Miriam and her best friend "Sosia":


Princessa Miriam:

PictureThis

This is Alex, Miriam and our friend Jena in June. I'll post more recent pics soon.

I'm an aunt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Moses Kye Kapp was born at 1:56 a.m. on August 24. He's 8 lbs (at almost 2 weeks early!!) and 20 3/4 inches long. After almost 24 hours of tough labor and 3 hours of pushing, my sister's someday coming child was finally in her arms.

It still makes me teary to think about it.

I can't wait to meet you, Moses! Your parents have dreamed of you; worried for your safe arrival and have worked hard to prepare to take care of you. They have prayed for you since before you were even conceived. What a blessing you are. Welcome to the world, little one!

Life is crazy...

So much has happened...
Alex Robert joined our family is June. He's been adjusting well, although there are tough days as we learn to love each other like family. He calls me Mama and smiles so big when he sees me that it makes things easier.

Noah contiues to be a mammoth baby--he's almost 21 pounds at almost 5 months old--phew!! He is the most calm, easy-going baby I've ever encountered. He is a major blessing in the midst of all our craziness.

Miriam is getting cuter and funnier and more challeging. Today she counted to 13--not bad for a just-turned-2-year-old. The newest thing I love the most is that she sings WITH me now. She used to stop singing if I started to sing--I love being able to sing with her--even if the "farmer in the down" climbs up the water spout! ;) She says so many cute things I must start writing down or I'll never remember them. She seems adjusted to Alex...when she gets up in the morning she runs over to Alex's room to see if "my bruder's awake." Amazing how he always is! ;)

I'm a bit overwhelmed and my doctor reccommended some medication, but I'm just not feeling there, yk? I'm hoping to avoid the medication thing, although I'll use it if I need it. I just hate being a stay-at-home-prozac-cliche. At least the prozac would be free (thank you, Lilly).

Chris took 8 weeks off work to help Alex adjust to being in our family (and help us all adjust to him being in our family, too). Chris just went back to work last week--he didn't want to, though. It's going well and we have some plans for the future that help us both to smile more.

Over.

One Month Old

Noah James is one month old today. He is the size of a three month old. Miriam seems to really like him, but she doesn't like sharing me or her daddy. Any time I sit down to feed Noah, she cries.

We went to the playground ("kaygown!") yesterday. Miriam climbed to the second level of the equipment and then decided that she didn't want to go down the slide. AND she didn't want to climb back down. So there she was crying for me to get her and there I was slinging the baby, trying to figure out how I was going to get my fat butt up there to rescue her. Luckily, our friend Pete came along and climbed up there and slide down the slide with Miriam. SAVED. I love our church friends.

Here are pics from the playground:

Notice how thrilled Noah looks with his sister.


I have more pictures, but apparently I've lost my mind and forgot to upload them. Oh, well.

An incidental Pete note: His name is Pete Potter and when Miriam was playing on the Teeter Totter the other day, she was singing "Peter Potter" over and over. Funny girl.

My kiddos

Here are some recent cute (yes, I'm biased) pics of my kids.

Miriam sleeping...this is her typical pose--Butt in the air, eyes 1/2 open (kinda creepy, honestly).


Noah sleeping on the back porch. This was one of our lovely sunny days that seem so distant already.


Noah's first bath. He didn't really like the water, but washing his hair went just fine. He's opposite of his sister, all right.


Miriam's crazy after-bath hair:


We went out for Dairy Queen last week. Miriam loved Mama's Moolatte, as evidenced in the photo below:


We had some wonderful people over after church last night and got this priceless pic of all the baby boys together. From left to right: Benjamin (Benny Goodboy), Noah, and Kairos--BFF (lol).

Back to life

Chris is back to work; I'm adjusting to having both kids by myself. Yesterday went really well. My friend Patty came over and hang out for while; she brought me greek food, too. Yummy. Miriam and Noah were well behaved, considering their ages.

Today, however, was crazy. Miriam threw a 45 minute fit b/c I wouldn't give her candy. It was an award winning fit, too...complete with deep shuddering breaths, attempts to bit and hit and beating the floor with hands and feet. I vacillated between being horrified and thinking she was cute (those cryin hiccups really are cute). I called Chris to get some adult feedback, but he was in a meeting (damn).

We're going back to being a candy-free zone. Miriam just can't handle the sweets and her mama and daddy don't need them. I'll still make cookies and stuff like that, but no hershey's kisses, etc.

I'm 1/2 way finished with knitting Miriam's shirt ("mama's knit me a shirt!"). It's the apron top from the Little Turtle Knits website.

I had more to say, but I'm so tired I forgot it.

The Blues

Things are going well here. Miriam is adjusting to sharing her Mamacita and her Daddy with Noah. Of course some of that adjustment involves assaulting other kids with her teeth, but we're dealing with that. Noah is still sleeping a lot and nursing a lot and barely ever crying. How did I get so lucky??? The most he's cried was when he was assaulted by the above mentioned muncher.

Chris has the week off. I'm hoping he gets some down time. He's hoping so, too. However, he also wants to get some work done on our upstairs bathroom and he's ending up being a bit of a nursemaid to his wife.

Because I am not doing so fine. It's getting better every day, but the worry and fear threaten to take me over. I actually catch myself thinking "I better not say I'll do that b/c I might be dead by then." It sounds silly seeing it written down, but it doesn't feel silly.

I hate that I had to deliver my child surgically and that it was a bit complicated. I hate that I have to deal with normal surgery recovery on top of baby blues and hormone craziness.

It helps to see how precious my kids are.

On an entirely different note, the new Knitty is up and I'm enjoying looking over some of the patterns. This one actually even shows a plus size woman modeling a version of the sweater. Too bad I don't think it looks so good on her. Blasted size 1 model. I think this bag and this "wheelie" are great.

I've got a list of approx 5,000 knitting projects to do, so probably I won't do any of these anyway, but it's fun to look! :)

Noah is here!!

Noah entered the world at 10:43 a.m. on Saturday, March 26th.

Here's a pic. Note the weight.



It's not a joke--10 lbs, 11 oz. All the stats--21 1/2 inches long and 15 inch circumference on the head.

The actual surgery was the worst experience of my life--no exaggeration. I was told by numerous Drs and nurses that mine was not the typical c-section. The uterus was twisted, fibroids were in the way and they had trouble getting the bleeding to stop. However, I have a wonderful baby boy and that will certainly outweigh any negative.

Typical section or not, I have new respect for women who have undergone one--esp. after laboring for hours as well! Phew!

Here's another pic from just a few minutes ago. He had just nursed. It's amazing to me that you don't really need to *teach* babies to nurse--you may need to help them nurse better, but they certainly are born knowing what to do.

Non-Stress?!?!

I went to the doctor for a non-stress test for the baby on Wednesday because I wasn't feeling nearly as much movement as usual. The baby did fine with the test, but it appears he's still breech, so we have a c-section scheduled for Saturday at 9 am. There is still time for him to turn, however unlikely that is. At the appointment I made the comment that no woman WANTS to have a c-section and the nurse said "well, some women do, but they don't come to this practice because they know Dr. S won't do them unless necessary." That was really reassuring to me. I already knew that Dr. S has the reputation for not doing c-sections, but it was a reminder I needed. Dr. S said she feels a section is safest at this point and I feel confident in trusting her judgment.

My parents are arriving tonight and Chris's parents are coming for a few hours tomorrow. Miriam is not going to know what to do with BOTH sets of grands here. She's going to be so happy, she'll be running around in circles.

Speaking of Miriam. Yesterday afternoon was warm and sunny so we were sitting outside when Chris got home. He sat down with us and after a bit, Miriam walked off toward the van and said "bye-bye, mama!" She went to the van and tried to open the front door. After failing at that she came back to me and said "I need keys." (Chris and I are laughing by now, of course). I told her to ask her daddy and she said "Key, please", took the keys he offered and tried to get into the van again. Oh, my...I wish I were I better writer so I could describe just how funny this was.

Finally...I received in the mail today a certain CD that's being released officially on Tuesday. It's supposed to be for my birthday (also Tuesday), but I opened the mail, knowing that it had to be the CD. I got my husband to allow me to have it now--mostly by pleading and muttering "i'm having SURGERY tomorrow" under my breath. It's wonderful and I'm off to listen again. Thanks, Over the Rhine, for a wonderful birthday gift!!

When will He Come?

Well, my doctor still hasn't scheduled a section, she wants to give this baby as much chance as possible to turn. I've done all sorts of strange things like staying on my hands and knees, lying inverted on a board, putting peas behind the baby's head, etc...nothing has worked so far. I'm not giving up, but I honestly think this baby is too squished in there to move. He's probably big (around hi-8 lbs) and then I have all those fibroids.

I have another Dr's appt on Thursday, so we'll see what she says then.

Miriam and I made Whoopie Pies this weekend. She loves putting ingredients into the mixing bowl. She loves mixing, too, but that results in batter being splattered literally all over the kitchen, so she doesn't get to do that too often. Here's a pic of Mama's little helper:


Here is the recipe for the whoopie pies:
INGREDIENTS:
1/2 cup shortening
1 cup white sugar
2 eggs
2 cups all-purpose flour
5 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 cup milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3/4 cup shortening
2 cups confectioners' sugar
1 pinch salt
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

DIRECTIONS:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (180 degrees C). Grease cookie sheets.
To Make Cookies: In a large bowl cream 1/2 cup of shortening , 1 cup sugar and 2 egg yolks. (Set egg whites aside for filling.) NOTE: If you don't want to use raw egg white in the filling, leave it out. Substitute 1 whole egg for the 2 egg yolks in the cookie recipe so you don't end up with leftover whites!!
In a separate bowl sift together 2 cups flour, 5 T cocoa, 1 t baking powder, 1/2 t salt, 1 t baking soda. Add to other mixture alternately with milk, beating well. Add vanilla at the end.
Drop by large spoonful on greased pan. Bake for 10-15 minutes. Remove to wire rack and cool completely.
To Make Filling: Beat together 3/4 cup shortening, 2 cups confectioners' sugar, 2 egg whites and dash of salt till light. Add 1 tsp. vanilla.
To assemble: Spread the flat side of one cookie circle with a spoonful of filling. Top with another.

Here's another pic of my big belly. My husband thinks it's very strange to post it on my blog. I told him he needs to visit more blogs of pregnant women. Or at least a pregnancy list online...he'll see more nakie bellies than he's ever wanted to see! ;)


Here's to the baby coming before Easter!!

No Natural Childbirth for Me

I received some disappointing news today. I went for my weekly OB appointment and she still wasn't able to feel the baby's position for certain, so she sent me for a quick ultrasound. By this time in pregnancy most doctors (and women themselves) are able to tell baby's position, but my numerous fibroids make it impossible. Noah is a footling breach, which means one leg is down and his head is up. Most doctors will not even attempt a vaginal delivery with this kind of breach presentation. There are things we can try in order to turn the baby, but my fibroids make them very unlikely (although not risky, so hopefully we'll still try them!).

I cried when I found out b/c I know that I will likely have a C-section. It doesn't help that when I tell people they are condescending and say things like "well, at least your baby is healthy." I already know that I'm blessed to have a healthy baby and that some people have to deal with true heartbreak during pregnancy and that this is just disappointment...but I still need time to process and deal with the disappointment--and to mourn the labor I was dreaming of having.

At least I know why I've been having such sharp pains in my cervix. Little One is trying to kick his way out, I guess.

And I am lucky that my baby is healthy and I'll feel blessed by and in love with my baby no matter how he enters the world.

Little Miss Miriam

I thought y'all might like to see Little Miriam. This was taken about 3 weeks ago while she was going through a camera-shy phase. She normally is all over getting her pic taken and it's hard to get one without a cheesy grin.



And here's one of me at 33 weeks. Just imagine me being 4+ weeks larger! (If bare bellies or large women bother you, move along, now)...

I'm 37 weeks and 3 days pregnant. This is "more pregnant" than I've been before, as Miriam was born at 36.3 weeks. My back is killing me; I'm measuring 10 weeks ahead (which would be 6-7 weeks OVERDUE); Miriam is such a handful right now, too. She's very possessive--of everything--her mama, her dada, her toys, whoever happens to be within 2 feet of her, etc...

I've got bags packed, but my house is a mess.

It's such a strange position to be in--we were really expecting to have this baby earlier than now, so I FEEL overdue even though the 29th is my due date.

I would love to have this baby before the 29th, but I would love to share by birthday with my little Noah.

My friend Amanda gave birth to her little one yesterday. She was told at 16 weeks that she was either having a little boy or else there was a "big toe" in the way. They said they were 80% sure it was a boy (which I understand is the standard percentage for ultrasounds). Well, it is a girl. Amanda was so shocked. No one believed her when she called and told people. We may have been more likely to believe her if she wasn't the world's biggest practical joker. Anyway, little Amy arrived instead of little Tobias and she is loved, loved, loved.

I can't wait for my little one.

jump again--
Miriam weighed 7 lbs, 5 oz at 36 weeks; any guesses on this baby?? I'm guessing at least 8 lbs.

:)

Wow. It's been a while...with no good excuse, of course.

Miriam's leg healed fine and she's running around (saying "hut, 2, 3, hut, 2, 3...")

I'm almost at the end of my pregnancy and we've not had any of the difficult problems we had during my pregnancy with Miriam. I did have a bit of a preterm scare a couple of weeks ago, but all was fine and I was sent home NOT on bedrest, but with some jittery-making pills to take as needed.

We're having a boy, Noah.

And we found out on Friday that we will most likely be able to adopt my cousin's son. Previously we thought we had permanent guardianship--adoption was just a dream.

Okay, not very witty or informative, but it is a catch up.

Miriam's calling for "more juice", so I need to go.

I'm visiting family out of state. My sister was playing with Miriam one the trampoline. She was standing holding Miriam's hands. She sat down (very carefully, because she knew Miriam hadn't been on the tramp before) and Miriam kind of twisted and fell b/c of the residual bouncing. She started crying really hard, so my sister brought her back to me. She calmed down pretty quickly, but wouldn't put any pressure on her leg, so we figured she'd twisted it or sprained it somewhere. We held her a lot and put her to bed with a dose of tylenol. This morning she still wouldn't let us move it, so we took her to the ER.

When the doctor came and told us it was a break he said "if she were only 4 months old, we'd assume this was abuse. I don't want to make any accusations, but something more happened than what you described. The only way a bone would break that easily is if there were cancer in the leg, and everything looks fine in that area."

I'm just so upset. I'm upset that my baby, who just started walking about 6 weeks ago won't be able to walk for 4-6 weeks. I'm upset that my family who doesn't get to see her too often, won't get to see how cute she is as she toddles around. I'm upset that I wasn't with her when it happened so I could tell what I saw.

The thing is, my sister would *never* hurt Miriam. Honestly--would I have left Miriam with her even for 5 minutes if I thought she was capable of that? AND, when I told the doctor that Janelle would be coming into the hospital to see Miriam if he wanted to talk with her, he didn't seem interested AT ALL. Now, could my sister have missed something as she was sitting down? Could she have looked away and missed something? Absolutely. That's why I hate that I wasn't there.

My sister feels awful. She was crying today when she got to the hospital and we told her it was broken. We went to Old Navy after the ER to find some pants that will fit over the cast. All Miriam had to do was say "dog" while pointing to a stuffed animal and she got herself a new toy from my sister. My mom says that if we want tuition for Miriam's college, we've got it made. My dad says Miriam will be able to use this for YEARS ("Aunt Janelle, remember how you broke my leg? I saw this great shirt I really want..."). Of course, Janelle really does feel badly; I just wish she could accept that it was an accident--any of us could have been with her when it happened.

Chris said the doctor was being an ass and trying to scare us. They didn't take the address or phone number of where we're staying, so they obviously aren't too concerned. In fact, they didn't even get MY name.

In the past I thought people were exaggerating when they said trampolines are dangerous, now I understand. It was a freak accident, though...I mean my parents have had their tramp since I was 10-12 and the only person who ever hurt himself was my dad--and that was because he was showing off ("let
me show you guys how to do a real flip").

My poor baby! She's in a good mood, though and has been for most of the day. It's like she just forgets she has two legs. She kicks and plays with the other leg and just ignores the hurt one.

The good thing about the first three months of your pregnancy occurring in the hot, humid days of summer is that the last three months will occur when it's nice and cold outside.

At least right now that seems like a big plus. I'm so hot and miserable. Miriam loves to be outside, but I can't handle it for too long. We went out and pulled weeds and blew bubbles (bubba) for awhile until I was soaking. Then we came in and sat in our air conditioned living room. Our poor window unit can hardly keep up with this weather.

In other news, Chris has taken this entire 4 day weekend to work on our pantry/craft room. It's almost done. As I type, he's laying carpet. It will be so nice to have a place that I can leave my sewing mess when I'm in the middle of a project. I also have so much catching up to do on grandparents' scrapbooks that it's not even funny. Okay, it is. I haven't done anything since JANUARY. HA.

Well...
Chris and I were definitely not planning on having any more kids. My fibroids are still there (of course), and bigger if anything. We didn't want to take the chance of having a baby born at 28 weeks (when I went into labor with Miriam--it was stopped until 36 weeks). However, things happen that aren't planned.



We're excited, but nervous. My hormone levels were a bit low (although they are rising just as they are supposed to). I'm taking extra Progesterone just in case, although my doctor said I didn't *need* it.

We're asking people to be cautiously happy with us. On one hand, my body's track record is not so good. On the other hand, we have Miriam.